Friday, April 4, 2008

Friday Sketch War: Fantasy Edition

Haven't heard anything from Dave yet. But Richard's already posted, even though he's not feeling well. And it seems as though Red isn't joining us this week either.

Update: Dave has posted and it is super fly! Check it.

Here's my entry, for what it's worth. Probably reveals a bit too much about my current work situation. But then, that's why I'm sending out resumes. Right?

The Break Room

(Office break room. Marge and Peggy, two middle-aged, over weight secretaries are eating donuts and talking.)

MARGE: So I says to him, “Carl” I says “I know for a fact that Jim’s not keeping up with his work”.

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) He’s such a slacker.

MARGE: Right. We all know it. But Carl doesn’t see it. He goes “And what makes you think this?” And I almost laugh in his face. As if I have to make up stories about Jim.

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Not likely.

MARGE: Right. So I says, “Carl, I was looking at his email inbox and there’s a whole list of file requests he hasn’t completed yet.” And Carl has the gall to get upset at me. “You can’t do that,” he says. “It’s an invasion of his privacy”, he says. Like that’s going to mean anything when we’re all out of jobs because Jim’s poor work ethic causes this whole company to fold.

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Seriously.

MARGE: But Carl says he’ll look into it. He says he’ll say something to Jim.

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Good for you.

MARGE: I’m just looking out for the company. I mean, Carl thinks he’s such a fantastic Office Manager, but we all know that I should have been the one to get that job. The only reason they hired him was because we needed more men in the office to fill a quota of some sort.

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Damn ACLU.

MARGE: Exactly. The hippies ruined it for everyone. But I’ve already sent several emails to the CEO about Carl and his lack of caring about this company. I plan on getting him…

(Carl enters the break room and goes to the fridge)

MARGE: Oh hey Carl! How’s your day going?

CARL: All right. Thank God it’s Friday, you know.

MARGE: Amen to that. So, how’d it go with Jim? Is he going to straighten up and fly right?

CARL: Marge, I already told you once, this really isn’t any of your business. Jim’s only been back a week since his wife died. He’s taking things slow.

MARGE: Glacial, if you ask me.

CARL: I didn’t, Marge. No one did. And I hope you’ll stop sending me emails about him.

MARGE: He’s costing this company millions of dollars.

(Carl sighs and shakes his head. He exits.)

MARGE: Have a blessed day!

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut): Yeah.


(Marge and Peggy share a laugh. Peggy nearly chokes on her donut.)

MARGE: As you can see, the man clearly has no regard for this company.

(Marge takes out a notepad and begins writing on it.)

MARGE: This is going in his file.

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) His file?

MARGE: I keep a file on everyone in the office. That way, if they ever do anything really wrong, or something that I don’t think befits an employee of this company, I can take it to the CEO and have them fired. Carl’s file is almost as big as Jim’s.

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) Do I have a file?

MARGE: Only because you’re my best friend here do I tell you this. Yes. You do. It’s the smoke breaks. You take a ten minute break every hour. That adds up.

(Peggy just stares at her. Jim enters the break room.)

MARGE: Hey, Jim. How are you doing? Again, we’re so sorry about your loss.

JIM: Thanks.

MARGE: But don’t you think using your wife’s death as an excuse to slack off at work only degrades her memory?

JIM: Excuse me?

MARGE: I couldn’t help but notice, as I read your emails, that you’re really far behind on…

(Jim punches Marge in the face, toppling her over in her chair. He gets a soda out of the fridge and exits.)

PEGGY: (Mouthful of donut) And have a blessed day.



R.A. Porter said...

Sweet! We are on the same page, I guess.

Have a blessed day.

NotNits said...

Awesome. And even moreso, infuriating. I feel your pain.