Friday Night Sketch War: 3:34am Edition

Coyote is temporarily indisposed, and has left it to me to sum up the latest Friday Sketch War. Since I'm lazy, I'll subcontract the job out to Mr. Joey Weitzman:

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Alright, this week they didn't <bleep> around, they were all, "Yeah, we're so <bleep>ing hard we can do any <bleep>ing topic we want."

So somebody was all, "Oh yeah? <bleep> it, let's write sketches about '3:34am'!"

And another <bleep> was all, "That's not funny at all!"

And then they punched that guy in the face. And they said, "Yeah, this week's <bleep>ing topic is 3:34am! We can do this <bleep> because we are bad-<bleep> mother<bleep>ers."

• So then Coyote writes this sketch about Jared, who's just tryin' to sleep, man. I'll bet that, like, he's really a ninja, and he's all "<bleep> it, my master says not to bust out killing people," and he's all, like, conflicted and stuff.
  
• And then Ken's like, "Whut whut?" and he throws down this sketch about Santa. Yeah, you might think Santa's all weak and <bleep>. Think again. Santa will <bleep> you up.
  
• And finally Peter slammed down this one, which is like THIS CLOSE to having a unicorn in it. Yeah, you might think you're awesome, but you're sure as <bleep> not UNICORN-AWESOME.

I don't know which fighter won, but I do know for positively <bleep>ing certain that that "not-funny" lost. Yeah.

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Thanks, Joey!

This coming Friday is the day after Christmas, so we have a unique holiday challenge. The "Sketch Skirmish" is to come up with the best two-line scene on the topic "Christmas Presents". Then, on January second, we resume normal Sketch Wars.