Shadows on the Cave Wall

(RICK and STEVE in the front of a car. RICK is driving. STEVE is in the passenger’s seat.)

(RICK suddenly swerves, then honks his horn.)

RICK
Look at this jackass.

STEVE
What a moron.

RICK (yelling out window)
Jackass!
(pause)
Sometimes I think everyone except me is an idiot.

(pause)

STEVE
Am I an idiot?

RICK
Well, let’s approach this Socratically. Are you me?

STEVE
No.

RICK
Then I’m afraid you are an idiot. QED.

(pause)

STEVE
I’m not a fan of that conclusion.

RICK
Well, your problem is with Socrates, not with me.

(pause)

STEVE
No, you know my problem with Socrates? That cave allegory. That’s some bullshit right there.

RICK
You think bare language, in and of itself, is an adequate method to describe the depth and breadth of reality?

STEVE
Well, no. I just think it’s a shitty metaphor. It’s too baroque. Prisoners since birth in a cave who can’t move their heads and are therefore forced to watch shadow puppets cast by a fire above and behind them? Come on.

RICK
I see.

STEVE
If you have to go that far to prove a point, maybe you don’t have a point at all.

RICK
That was Plato.

STEVE
Bullshit. It was Socrates.

RICK
It was the character of Socrates in Plato’s Republic.

STEVE
Oh.

RICK
That’s essentially like saying you hate Toulouse-Lautrec because you don’t like the way he sang “Nature Boy” in “Moulin Rouge.”

(pause)

STEVE
Well, I don’t.