The First Date

EXT. GARDEN - DAY

Lush, jungle-like. Three tree stumps conveniently positioned as table and chairs. ADAM, grinning like a rube, and LILITH sit naked across from each other, hair and branches strategically concealing naughty bits. The brunette smolders and looks slinky even while seated.

ADAM

...and I call those goats.

LILITH

They stink.

ADAM

Yeah, I hadn't noticed. The bigger ones, with the long hair, I call those yaks. Except those other ones over there? Those are gnus.

Lilith glances where Adam points, then looks around anxiously.

LILITH

Where the hell's the waiter?

ADAM

Waiter?

LILITH

Or waitress, whatever. To take our order? I'd kill for a drink.

ADAM

Oh, let me get you some pomegranate juice. I named that, too. And the strawberry, and the boysenberry...

Adam's voice trails off as he exits, still strategically obscured. Lilith sighs. As Adam comes back in view we hear him continue...

ADAM (CONT'D)

...and the huckleberry, and the chokeberry, and the--

LILITH

--You named all the berries, too. That's great. So Adam, what else do you do? Besides naming.

Adam hands Lilith a hollowed gourd and she drains it. She curls her lip and stares at the cup.

ADAM

I tend the fields and I tend the flocks and I--

LILITH

--Yeah. Hey sweetie? You got anything back there with a bit more kick?

ADAM

Kick?

LILITH

You know, something fermented?

ADAM

Nope. Just juice. You want some lingonberry juice?

LILITH

(sighing)

No, I'm fine. Maybe something to eat?

ADAM

We've got barley porridge. I can top it with blueberries if you like. Or blackberries--

A lamb, barely old enough to walk, stumbles up to the table.

LILITH

--What's that?

ADAM

That's a lamb. It's a baby sheep. I also named sheep.

LILITH

That sounds good.

ADAM

The name pleases you?

LILITH

No, a lamb chop sounds good. Rare.

ADAM

You want me to make a sacrifice for God?

LILITH

No, I want you to make mint jelly for me.

ADAM

I don't know how I feel--

LILITH

--Look, Adam. You're a nice guy. Really. But you're obviously busy with the...naming and the tending. I'm just not sure I feel a real connection.

ADAM

What about my rib?

LILITH

What about it?

ADAM

"And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." That's me. I'm the man. You're bone of my bones and everything.

LILITH

(sotto voce)

That's the only bone around here from what I can see.

ADAM

What?

LILITH

Look, I appreciate all that, but it's not enough. There's just no spark. I'd love it if we could be friends, though.

Adam looks heavenward and shrugs. Lightning flashes, thunder claps, and when he looks back down he's sitting across from EVE: blond, fair, and grinning like her mate.

EVE

(vapidly)

What do you call that animal, Adam?

BLACKOUT: