Friday, September 26, 2008

FSW: Job Hunting Edition

What a timely theme, as thousands of brokers, bankers and theives are looking for work. And oddly enough, Ken, Richard and I as seem to playing in the same ballpark with our sketches. I wonder why?

Richard's recruiters have
the right man for the job.

Ken's rolling out a
new talk show hosted by everyone's favorite moose hunter.

Next week's theme, if there is a next week, is Apocalypse.

Here's my sketch. I wrote it last night watching the news. Enjoy.

Curious George Visits the Farm

(June 23, 2009. We are in the kitchen of the Bush Ranch House in Crawford, Texas. Laura is trying to make breakfast. George is constantly getting in her way.)

Laura: George, for cryin’ out loud. I thought you said you were gonna to help.

George: I am helpin’.

Laura: What’s this?

(She holds up a skillet with a dozen eggs smashed into it, shells and all.)

George: Well, you just said eggs and I wasn’t sure which part or how many you wanted so I put the whole thing in there.

Laura: (Sighs) When are you going to get a job and get out of my hair?

George: Laura, I’ve been looking for a job since December. With the economy in the crapper, there’s just nobody hiring. I’ve called almost every business, baseball team and college in the country and none of them need a new commander in chief.

Laura: Did you call that recruiter and ask about the travelling lecturer position?

George: Yeah, but I think that fella was having some sort of break down. I’d no more than said my name and he just started laughing hysterically and didn’t stop.

Laura: Well, you’ve gotta do something before I go out of my mind. Why don’t you head over to Jasper’s farm. I heard Maebell say they were looking for some help.

George: Aw, honey, can’t I just stay here and clear brush?

Laura: George, there’s not a lick of brush left on this ranch. You’ve cut, hacked and weed-whacked every piece of vegetation in a three mile radius. Go to Jasper’s. Tell him I sent ya.

George: But honey…

Laura: Go on! Get!

(We jump to Jasper’s Farm. Jasper is working on a tractor. George kicks one of the tires.)

George: So anyways, Laura thought maybe I could be of some assistance to you.

Jasper: I don’t really see how George.

George: I've got some ideas.

Jasper: Do you now?

George: I was thinking maybe we could invade Hamilton’s farm, take over their crop as well. That way you’d have twice as much corn to bring to market.

Jasper: Ah, George, it doesn’t quite work like that.

George: Well, we could always just torch it all. Make it so he has nothing to sell, thus increasing the worth of your crop.

Jasper: You know, George, I’m afraid I can’t help you.

George: Please, Jasper. Laura said if I came back without a job she was gonna put me in a time out.

(Jasper scratches his head, thinking.)

Jasper: Well, I do have a problem that maybe you could help me with.

George: I’m your man, Jasper.

(We jump to the middle of Jasper’s corn field. George is wearing overalls and has bells and shiny pieces of metal tied to his arms. He is standing on a small perch, with his arms tied straight out to a cross beam, as if he’s been crucified. A Secret Service Agent stands on the ground at his side.)

George: Can you believe this? All I gotta do is stand out here and watch over the corn.

Agent: Yes, sir.

George: I bet Clinton will be jealous when he finds out.

Agent: Yes, sir.

(A crow lands on George’s arm.)

George: Would you look at that. I think he likes me.

(The crow begins pecking at George’s eyes.)

George: Ow! Hey, bird, stop that. Ow! I don’t think he likes me no more. Ow!

(More crows join in and soon George is covered with the black birds. His cries are drowned out by the cawing of the happy, feasting birds. The Secret Service Agent, out of reflex, takes a step towards George, but then stops himself, looks around, and heads back to the farm house.)

And the world lived happily ever after….


R.A. Porter said...

For The WIN!

Ken Robertson said...

We're in the same ballpark more than you know - my other "job hunting" sketch was loyal Bushies packing up on their last day, and breaking into a "Those Were The Days" type Cabaret song lamenting all the things they won't get to do anymore. But it trickier after rhyming "waterboarding" with "crude oil hoarding".

Great stuff Michael - think Carter needs a scarecrow to drop off in Africa on his next Habitat for Humanity trip?

R.A. Porter said...

Frankly, I hope Jimmy's too busy manning the polls on November 4, helping with election monitoring. We could use that almost as much as some banana republics in some polling districts.