FSW: Trapezoid Traffic Stop

(Harold and Debbie sit in their car, strobing blue and red lights shining through the rear window making clear their plight. At the wheel, Harold looks forlorn, Debbie irritated.)

RADIO ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
...come on in to Spiedermann's Metal Gazebos. With every great bower comes great bronze stability!

DEBBIE
Turn that off!

(Harold kills the radio. A trooper strides to the window in full regalia. His boots a-gleam and his hat brim arrow-straight, Dudley Do-Right's got nothing on him.)

TROOPER
License and registration, please.

(He examines the provided materials for a moment.)

Do you know why I pulled you over this evening, folks?

HAROLD
I sure don't, officer.

DEBBIE
Harold! Don't be difficult. You know what you were doing. Tell the nice man.

HAROLD
I suppose I might have been just a smidge over the speed limit back there. Sorry, officer. I was just keeping pace, you know. And yes, I know that's wrong.

TROOPER
Speeding, huh? Didn't notice that. Let me get that down. Just how fast do you think you were going, Mr. Renshaw?

HAROLD
Oh, I wouldn't say more than a couple of miles over...maybe six?

DEBBIE
Harold!

HAROLD
Ten. Okay, I was going ten over. I'm real sorry.

TROOPER
Ten. I should probably write you up for that.

(The Trooper pulls out his ticket pad and gets poised to write.)

You know, that's actually not why I pulled you over this evening, Harold. Do you mind if I call you Harold?

HAROLD
That's fine.

DEBBIE
What else did you do, Harold?

TROOPER
Now ma'am, don't get too mad at Harold. It's not what he did, but what I can do for you. Folks, I pulled you over tonight to talk about Prickly Pear Products. Are you familiar with the healing power of prickly pears?

HAROLD
Prickly...what?

DEBBIE
Are you giving him a ticket or not?

TROOPER
Well ma'am, that depends. You see, I'm a distributor for 3-P, that's what we call Prickly Pear Products, and I'd like to ask whether I can interest you in making hundreds of extra dollars a month with just a few hours of work. Our products practically sell themselves. From hair care to health care, soap to supplements, prickly pear pulp can change the way you live.

Did you know that before the white man arrived, the native Americans of the Southwest never got cancer?

HAROLD
I really don't think we're inter...wait. That can't be right. You're saying they never got cancer? And you expect us to believe that?

(The Trooper looks at Harold and Debbie for a second, then raises his pen to the ticket.)

TROOPER
No sir. I suppose I don't. You said fifteen miles over the limit, correct? You know in this state that's considered reckless. I think you should step out of the car.

HAROLD
I said ten! Ten!

DEBBIE
Excuse me. Officer? I was wondering if there were any other uses for prickly pears. It all sounds so fascinating. Doesn't it Harold?

TROOPER
I'm glad you asked. My product display case is in the trunk of my patrol car if you'd like to take a look, folks. Don't mind the man in the back seat. He's harmless.

BLACKOUT