Cartoons Edition (Coyote's Entry)

The Acme Prize

INT. TV STUDIO - DAY

Toonday Show studio. MATT MALLARD sits with MEREDITH MEERKAT and AL ELEPHANT on the couch.

MATT

Exciting news from the world of science today. The recipients of this years' Acme Prizes are about to receive their awards, including our own Toonday Show correspondant and Avery Institute fellow, Abner Fudd.

MEREDITH

I didn't even know Abner was a real scientist.

AL

What did you think he was?

MEREDITH

I thought he was just like Sanjay Bluejay.

CUT TO:

SANJAY BLUEJAY sitting behind a desk bobbing his head up and down up and down in a glass of water. He notices the camera and smiles with 88 pearly whites.

SANJAY

Good cholesterol, good. Bad cholesterol, bad. *SQUAWK*

CUT TO:

Back to the couch.

MATT

No, Abner's not just a bobbing head. Let's go to the awards ceremony.

INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY

ABNER FUDD is a very short man with a very large egghead. He is resplendent in tails standing on stage next to JACK RABBIT.

JACK

Abner, congratulations. Can you try to explain your research to the audience at home?

ABNER

I'll do my best, Jack. My research concerns black holes.

JACK

Like this one?

Jack pulls a floppy black disc from his jacket and drops it on the floor. Then he jumps into it. He pops back up a second later with an old seltzer bottle and sprays Abner in the face.

ABNER

Exactly.

Abner pulls a black hole from his jacket, drops it, jumps in, and pops up with a shotgun.

ABNER (CONT'D)

When they were first discovered by Steven Chickenhawking, we didn't know much about them. My research sheds new light on them and give us a clue what the tooniverse was like in the very first picoseconds after the Big Bang.

(beat)

Speaking of big bangs...

Abner lifts the shotgun and pulls the trigger multiple times, chasing Jack around the stage as he shoots at him.

Jack jumps back into his black hole, reaches his hand out, and pulls the black hole into itself. Abner stops shooting, stands still, and scratches his head.

As Abner turns around, looking for Jack, Jack pops out of Abner's black hole with a giant wooden sledgehammer and BASHes Abner over the head. A lump rises, and birds circle and tweet. Jack puts his paws on Abner's shoulders and guides him to a podium.

ABNER (CONT'D)

(singing)

I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

Jack pulls out a bundle of dynamite and hands it to Abner.

JACK

In honor of Alfred Acme, the inventor of dynamite, allow me to present you with the 2009 Acme Prize in Physics.

ABNER

(shaking his head clear)

Thank you. Thank you so much. This is so wonderful. I never thought--

At the other end of the stage at the end of a long fuse, Jack pushes down on a plunger, blowing up the dynamite. Abner's face is blackened with soot, his collar askew, his hair burnt off.

ABNER (CONT'D)

You're despicable.

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